Susan and Alan’s Sensuality Expansion Program
I was nervous and excited as we arrived at the beautiful and spacious retreat center for our Sensuality Expansion Program with Alicia and Erwan Davon. I loved discovering how cute and cozy our little cabin was. Alan led me outside and in the clear cold darkness under a million bright stars, I glimpsed a sense the future was about to take a radically different path.
In our first session Erwan explained that before DO’ing we would complete our Resolution, where we fully realize how perfect we are. I hoped it wouldn’t take me the whole 10 days! Over the next two days we had a series of discussions and collaging exercises where I experienced how my tendency to nitpick and criticize leaves me never feeling satisfied or like I’m really getting what I want. I knew I did this and had been working on being more approving but in this process I saw for the first time how much this really cost me. Paying attention to what could be better or different, rather than what was good, left me irritated and dissatisfied, and actually created my experience of not having what I wanted. Through collaging I saw how my sexual energy and uneasy relationship to my appetites were also fueling this. Erwan helped me untangle the layers so I could see how my bitchiness covered up fears, tender deep hurt and powerful sexual energy. On Christmas Eve, day 2, we attended a candlelight caroling session in the temple. While singing about radiance, rebirth and love, being children of God, I felt a huge release. Happiness and lightness flooded me and tears starting running down my face. (pretty funny for a Jew!) I really saw I had the option to surrender to my own perfection, as I am, with my personality, not in spite of it, and the gift of bringing that to Alan and others. Alan, wrestling with his habit of numbing himself to keep from feeling anger, fear or pain, was totally moved by my reaction. He told me he’d never seen me more radiantly beautiful. The next morning I felt so different. Alan and I had an extraordinary conversation; he was so real I could feel him like I never had. He described his fears and called me his muse, inspiring him to be the best man he can be. In session 5 when Erwan spoke I felt a quiet acceptance, taking it in without the questions and processing I felt in prior sessions. When he asked me if I was perfect, I laughed and answered “yes!” Erwan laughed too and said that felt really natural and light. I know this awareness will fade at times but I am so grateful I will never go back to not having access to this space of acceptance and peace.
That afternoon we started doing practice with an inventory. We described our internal experience of doing then had a date with Erwan and Alicia taking notes. This formed the basis for the coaching we would receive. I was nervous about being studied but they were gentle and encouraging. My nitpicky self was eager to hear everything we were doing wrong and how to improve but Erwan just said we were in a great place, open and enthusiastic, and they would digest their notes and share more later. Then Erwan and Alicia had a mini date and it was amazing to see her whole pussy so clearly, how confidently Erwan handled her and what a great time they both were having. I was very excited to feel this with Alan!
The next few days, I focused on practicing pushing out, spreading my toes and feeling energy through my lower body to allow myself to fully experience the orgasmic sensations. I tended to raise my hips and tighten up which blocked me from feeling all the sensation in Alan’s touch. I also started exploring my own body with my eyes and fingers in ways I never had. I realized I’d never actually seen my own clitoris! I couldn’t even really tell when it was being touched directly. Erwan coached Alan how to open me up so my clit popped out, and how to stroke it emphasizing the down stroke more than the up. As he made the adjustment, I could feel my clit melt into his finger. Erwan and Alicia followed us with an amazing date. Erwan broke down every piece – how to apply the lube, find “her spot”, shift the stroke gradually, release energy with his thumb, and manipulate the music, lube and towel to make everything a deliberate pleasurable part of the date. Alan takes tons of notes and I feel so grateful to have this expert instruction.
The next day we have a big conversation about Alan’s integrity. Erwan likens it to a bleeding business. It’s difficult but Alan lets it in. I’m grateful these things are getting said. I feel how difficult it is for me to trust Alan, and how that has left me ambivalent in the relationship. Erwan helps me see how distrusting leaves me scared, sad and over-managing things. I feel how much fear is in Alan, and experience deep compassion for him. Erwan tells me I’m a huge asset to help Alan cultivate an honest relationship to his integrity, that a woman is what gets a man to move. I feel how much I want to support Alan, and my fear whether I can do it in a fun feminine way.
We get back to DOing, and I go higher than I ever have watching Erwan do Alicia. I can feel his hands as they brush her pubic bone and massage her outer lips, then apply the lube and start stroking her clit. I love watching her visible contractions – so hot! At the peak of the date Erwan was working her pussy from every direction, clit, entroitus, perineum, anus – Alicia’s toes were vibrating, abs contracting and she moaned continuously. He said “at this point you can basically do anything to her” and my whole body contracted. I couldn’t wait to feel Alan’s hands on me. We went next. Alan massaged my legs; it felt so good to relax down into his hands and feel myself release. He handled the towel and lube easily and I felt how moist and ready I was. He practiced peaking me with short pauses so I could “metabolize” the sensation. Jolts of energy ran through me each time he lifted his finger. To bring me down he slipped his thumb just inside my entroitus, sliding my hood over my clit with two fingers and pressing it down toward his other hand. The pressure felt great on my swollen clit. Waves of sensation released and rolled through my body.
I’m amazed how we progress over the next few days. The space between us feels softer and richer. I’m feeling sensations I’ve never felt before and our nightly research dates are a fun collaborative exploration. We are a lot more comfortable with all the basics and start focusing on consistency – me feeling the strokes fully and Alan focusing his attention 100% on me. Life is a pleasurable mélange of sensory experiences – hiking, yoga, massage, baths, and ever better DO dates. I have never had more fun with Alan.
Session 13 Erwan introduces us to “train stops”, the familiar places where we interrupt our journey toward reality. He challenges us to bring compassion and firm discipline to keep going, particularly at critical moments. Future stops feel less familiar/safe but offer more vivid, richer experiences, and ultimately you reach reality, true happiness. He tells me my access is acknowledgment and approval – of myself and others.
Our final few sessions are a continuous expansion of consistency and intensity. Our last night is New Year’s Eve and our cabin is filled with friends and turned on loving energy, the perfect prelude to our last session and potential certification (if we can demonstrate 10-15min of continuous expert level intensity and connection). That morning I meditated on all my collages. I was able to see my fears and patterns without feeling consumed or agitated by them. I felt peaceful and surrendered. All I wanted was to enjoy the ride Alan took me on, and have him feel my pleasure. I gave him some deep touch and felt the pleasure run from his body down through mine.
When our graduation date began I lay back relaxed, with a clear intention to enjoy everything about to happen. Alan handles me confidently; penetrating and carrying me with the strength of his focused attention. My feet are vibrating, pleasure rippling through my body as he strokes my clit. I am moaning and laughing, totally surrendered to the pure enjoyment of Alan’s touch. Alan slides his finger down and draws up some lube; when he touches my clit we both feel it jump for his finger. Without missing a beat on my clit he starts working his thumb inside and around my entroitus. It feels incredible; my whole body trembles. I hear Erwan say “Wow, your orgasm is projecting into the room; that feels great!” Waves of orgasmic energy ripple and arc out my pussy and down my legs. Alan stays right with me, rounding out the energy and keeping the orgasm going and going. “Do you think these two made it? Sure looks like it to me” we hear Erwan say. “Oh yes!” Alicia responds. Together we hear “You’re certified! Congratulations.”
I am a certified sensuality expert! And I know this is only the beginning. THANK YOU Alicia and Erwan for a truly extraordinary experience.