Advanced Masculine/Feminine Dynamics #1
Men and women are different in many ways. Most people would agree with this, at least intellectually, but are not necessarily fully experientially, and I mean physically and emotionally, perceptive of these differences. It might be more accurate to say that the masculine and feminine are different. They have a different tone, a different flavor. The feminine tends to shine in a particular way that the masculine does not. The masculine has a particular steadiness that is less obvious in the feminine. Usually these differences manifest in a physical way through the body of a woman or a man but it’s not necessarily so, and each sex ultimately has some of both qualities.
Men and women are also both the same, in that we are all ultimately made of the same consciousness, the same material. Before we are two we are one. Our true nature is the same. And just like the female and male sex organs are inverse to each other, an “inny” and an “outy” if you will, the masculine and feminine are complementary. They are puzzle pieces that fit together. They are different but they have a common boundary and ultimately a common center.
The situation of sameness and difference is how reality manifests. There is a common center and a variety of expression. This is very useful to know in relating to the opposite sex, or the opposite gender orientation, because it brings a commonality and understanding, and even an identification with the opposite sex. Basically, it makes the situation friendlier! We’ve all heard of the “war of the sexes” and advanced masculine feminine dynamics is about transcending that potential for war and instead optimally enjoying and benefiting from the difference. And what an enjoyable ride that can be!
Life moves in opposites, the situation is alive. And I mean literally alive. Life is by definition alive and, in fact, perhaps the whole of reality is alive. Perhaps, there is no other place where this energy of life is felt as richly and deeply as the exchange between the masculine and feminine. The energy of sex is, perhaps, the greatest, most alive and most intense expression of life’s energy.
In a variety of spiritual traditions, consciousness is associated with the masculine and material manifestation is associated with the feminine. There’s great wisdom in this. For example, a man who knows how to really pay attention to a woman and a woman who knows how to receive that attention and approves of her attractiveness or the fact that she inherently draws attention, has a great potential for an extraordinary love affair.
Direct perception, clearly being perceived in her inherent attractiveness, turns women on. Consciousness or presence is the most attractive quality in the masculine. The energetic quality, the inherent beauty and pleasure of the feminine is its most attractive quality. Women have an extra advantage because they typically have that feminine quality and equal capacity for presence.
Masculine feminine dynamics are so potentially experientially rich that they can be extremely confronting for individuals especially in a culture that is not only shy about sex but shy about life itself. People are obviously drawn to sex, but it’s largely avoided and not dealt with in a sophisticated manner. The same is true of life, people don’t really like to deal with life and death and instead tend towards distraction, especially nowadays. There is, of course, a great cost for this, i.e. the experience of really being alive and knowing what it is to be alive. The same holds true for sex or the interplay between the sexes, the more it’s avoided the less dynamic and rich the interaction. The honeymoon phase for most couples is very short, at least compared to what it could be, which is infinite and ever increasing.
The relationship between the masculine and feminine has a potential to be greater than the sum of its parts. Together there is a far greater potential for enjoyment and effectiveness in the world. Life can be experienced with much greater range when one partner emphasizes the attractive or feminine quality and the other partner emphasizes the attracted or masculine quality. It can be a man and a woman, two women, two men, and so on. The emphasis of masculine or feminine can even be rotated, and if fact, is even in traditional male female relationships. Having said that, most males are wired up to emphasize masculine qualities and females to emphasize feminine qualities.
Simply confronting the differences between the masculine and feminine is the first and most important step in optimizing this relationship. Again, each sex has both qualities and we’re not saying that there is a superior or inferior, but rather that there is greater dynamism and pleasure when difference or polarization is acknowledged. We don’t want to form a rigid interpretation of what those differences are as has been the case throughout history but rather be perceptive to those differences and celebratory of them. Again, life and perhaps everything is alive. We want to be perceptive of this and in harmony with it, the sameness and the difference.
The feminine, or the more manifest, has a particular vulnerability and sensitivity because it is manifest, it’s embodied. The energy of life is embodied in women in a particular way. Males or the masculine are often insensitive to this sensitivity of the feminine and the great challenge that it can be for women or the feminine being “owners” of this attractive force. This tends to irritate women and they often take a particular type of distance from males. This in turn makes men or the masculine less aware or “hip” to where women and women’s experience. It should also be mentioned that since women have generally been regarded as a lower-class throughout history this also has an impact of making them both more scared and angry as well as more intelligent since they have to be more aware to simply get bye.
The point of today’s session is to begin to inquire into and appreciate the difference of the sexes or masculine and feminine qualities manifest in human beings. The more we acknowledge something unacknowledged the more intelligent we become in that interaction, the more we are guided by the inherent intelligence of consciousness. For example, a man paying greater attention, might approach a woman more slowly and be more confident in his approach, noticing how this will often lead to a better response. Or a woman might notice her feminine energy or attractiveness more deeply and increase her appreciation of it, making her more confident in her interactions with men.