The Eternal Date stage of relationship

Once a relationship reaches a stage where it will continually attain higher and higher peaks of intimacy and sexual attraction it becomes an ‘eternal date’ (a phrase created by the legendary sensuality researcher Victor Baranco). This is the third and final stage of relationship. It is the holy grail of relationships, the real soul-mate relationship that has all the passion, love and intimacy that human beings hope for in romantic connection.

The theme of the ‘new and exciting’ stage is chemistry and fun. The theme of the ‘best friends & lovers’ stage is deepening connection’. The theme of an ‘eternal date’ is an infinite relationship, unbounded in terms of where it will take the couple romantically. It is the thriving healthy version of a committed relationship or marriage.

The skill of ‘sweeping/being swept off her feet’ is the transition skill that moves a couple from stage 2 to stage 3. Sometimes people make a lifelong commitment because it is next thing to do, or for tax benefits, or family, or social obligations, and so on. ‘Sweeping/being swept off her feet’ expresses the thrilling masculine feminine polarity possible between two people. The man must be willing the be cause for the woman’s pleasure and the woman must be willing to surrender, as well as be willing to guide him in how to do it. A mind-blowing marriage proposal can be an optimal version of this. It launches the relationship into an eternal or spiritual dimension as the partners bond their lives together.

It is absolutely critical that the skills of the ‘new & exciting’ stage and ‘best friends & lovers’ stage are maintained or the relationship will not become an ‘eternal date’ but will instead become a living arrangement that lacks chemistry, fun, real intimacy and passion. The stages transcend but include the previous stages.

The first skill required once in this stage is ‘commitment’. Each partner must truly be willing and able to put everything in, nothing held back. Commitment is realized as freedom: freedom from endless picking and choosing, freedom from chronic avoidance of intimacy, freedom to trust someone fully and express oneself fully. One is fulfilled by the relationship and experiences this as a freedom to be. ‘Commitment’ ends the search and begins the adventure the same way a master musician or athlete has freedom to really play at the highest levels.

‘Cherishing’ is the next skill required. It is the ability to deeply appreciate someone, to know his or her true worth in your life. Often people don’t realize the real value of their partner until they are forced to, for example because their partner has left or they themselves are approaching death. Knowing the value of your partner and the relationship itself greatly increases the joy and depth experienced. Just like ‘commitment’, trust is required because to cherish someone is to give your heart fully, nothing held back.

The final skill required in an ‘eternal date’ is ‘sexual expertise’. Here, the ‘sex education’ begun in stage 2 has blossomed. The skills of giving and receiving pleasure, creating chemistry, as well as the skills involved in orgasm, especially extended orgasm, have reached a level where the trials and tribulations of family life, work life, well being issues and so on cannot stop the sexual pleasure the partners receive from each other. The skill of ‘sexual expertise’ also means that the couple is reliable at overcoming the inevitable breakdowns or issues that arise in a couple’s sex life. In fact, these issues simply become stepping-stones that the couple uses to take their sex to higher and higher peaks of pleasure.

An ‘eternal date’ launches the relationship into a spiritual dimension the way art or music or sport performed at the highest levels invites those engaged (and even spectators) into a zone beyond the ego and beyond the past. It is “eternal” in it’s depth and limitlessness, and it is a “date” because it is super sexy!

Alicia Davon