Relationships that Grow


There is some kind of intelligence that draws people together like magnets.  Couples fit together as puzzle pieces fit together.  The shape of those puzzle pieces is determined by each person’s individual qualities and their level of psychological and spiritual development.  Life’s intelligence draws people together that fit together.  If there is not some kind of fit, individuals will quickly part.  If they stay together there is some kind of fit.

If an individual develops then their individual shape, puzzle piece, changes.  And since in relationship the puzzle pieces fit together perfectly, although not necessarily harmoniously, the couple must grow together or they will no longer fit together.  Many couples opt not to grow so that they stay fitting together, the same way a child adapts it’s ego development and contorts itself to fit with it’s parent since it needs it’s parent.  Since people’s relationship blueprints are based on their childhood relationship with their primary caretaker, almost always the mother, and projected onto their romantic relationship partners, they have the same sense of childish need.  We call this “relationshipitis”.

The puzzle pattern of fitting together may not be harmonious but it is a fit.  Meany/softy, for example.  The more the puzzle pieces are shaped by each person’s relationship blueprint, as opposed being shaped by each person’s true nature, the less likely the relationship is to be deeply satisfying.  This is the norm and why most romantic relationships are not deeply satisfying and end.  Some stick because of the leftover childhood need we call “relationshipitis”.

The alternative is that the individuals grow and develop psychologically and spiritually; their puzzle pieces change shape together.   With both partners are growing their is deeper satisfaction in the relationship, as well as individually.  Individually and together there is more contact with Being and it’s qualities (Love, Truth, Sensuality, and so on). The relationship reaches higher and higher peaks of intimacy and romantic connection.  We call this an Eternal Date.  These relationships tend to last because they become more and more deeply satisfying along many dimensions, sexual, spiritual, friendship, and so on.  The perfect fit changes and becomes more and more perfect.  In fact, puzzle pieces is no longer a good analogy because where the partners meet is more fluid and open, less static and rigid.

If one person grows and the other doesn’t the puzzle pieces will tend to no longer fit.  Both partners growing is essential to the relationship lasting.  If you are single and looking for a partner, a prospective partner’s willingness to grow is the single biggest determinant of whether they are a good candidate for a deeply satisfying and lasting relationship.  Then, of course, you must evaluate yourself on that scale.  A prospective partner’s willingness to do something like the Pleasure Course tells you a lot about them.

If you are in a relationship, simply ask yourself, “Are both of us willing to grow and develop romantically, sexually, spiritually, psychologically, and so on”.  This is a very accurate barometer for the likelihood of success of the relationship.  The opposite is attachment to one’s relationship blueprint, which is basically defensiveness.  Defensiveness is what gunks up the works

As most of you know, we always start the Sensuality Expansion Program with a process called the Resolution where a person demonstrates their willingness to feel through and transcend their sense of inadequacy and defensiveness.  The skills required to expand one’s sexual potential orgasmically (i.e. willingness to grow psychologically, spiritually, romantically and sexually) are the same one’s required for a long lasting deeply satisfying romantic relationship, an Eternal Date.

Alicia Davon