The need for contact and intimacy

Human beings have a deep and abundant need for intimacy with others.  Contact of this type is necessary for our growth and development.  It continues to be necessary throughout adulthood and throughout our lives.

In some ways we need it more as children because we need it, not only emotionally, but also to learn how to function and survive.  Yet, in another sense we need it more as adults because without good contact and intimacy it is practically impossible to unwind and resolve the interpersonal issues we bring from childhood into adulthood.  And as we know those issues can be significant!  (Just look at your “relationship blueprint”).

Denying this need is all too common because it can bring up a great deal of pain: feelings of isolation, loneliness, fear and so on.  Yet if we accept and feel this need we have taken the most important step to resolving past issues and enjoying our relationships today.  We have embraced our interdependence.

Some issues need to be resolved interpersonally and some need to be resolved within ourselves. The more psychological the issue the more likely we’ll need to resolve it interpersonally.  Psychological issues are primarily interpersonal and were formed from early interpersonal dynamics.  A healthy current relationship (often starting with a mentor or therapist) is often what resets the “relationship blueprint”.

Intellectual understanding alone, outside of interpersonal relationship, simply won’t cut in resolving psychological issues.  You’ve got to be in the water to learn to swim.

Spiritual issues (“Who am I?” and the like) are ultimately resolved by locating one’s nature or True Self.  This is an inner journey and personal growth that one does within oneself.  Of course, support and guidance are useful here, but these answers are within.

True spiritual development will support psychological healing and development… and healthy psychological development will support true spiritual realization.

Alicia Davon