The Pace of Change


Have you ever been frustrated by the rate at which you, yourself, change? Perhaps you’ve wanted yourself to be some way and it just isn’t happening according to your timetable. Or maybe the person you are married to, or in relationship with, isn’t changing at the speed you’d like.

Often we know things about ourselves that would be great to change, and yet it can happen very slowly. Sometimes it happens very quickly, but that is rare.

There are two things you must take into account:

1) It took a long time to get this way and you are a very, very, very complex system, most of which is functioning outside of your conscious awareness.

2) The very effort to change reinforces the sense of ‘I’, as in “I want to change”.  This “I” is your ego and it is what is causes most suffering in the first place.  So it is like saying “I don’t want to be I”.  (This is a big topic fleshed out in other blogs and live teachings).

Real change happens when you see through this “I” and have patience with the complexity and momentum of yourself and your life.   It is the opposite of “taking heaven by storm” (i.e. you can’t force yourself to change).

Personal growth from this perspective is immediate in the sense of you are no longer that ‘ego I’ trying to change.  It is also gradual in that all the momentum and complexity of patterns, beliefs and so on, which make up a human being, will take time to unwind. Knowing this about yourself is invaluable, and knowing this about your partner can solve many relationship problems.

Alicia Davon