Ashley and Fred’s Sensuality Expansion Program
My experience with Ewan and Alicia might be different than many. I literally signed up for the Pleasure Course, Mastery of Relationship, Paradise Vacation Course and the Sensuality Expansion programs in one stroke. Am I a maniac? No. For the past year I had received a lot of personal coaching on integrating my mind, heart and body to cultivate a greater sense of presence in all parts of my life. I had also met my boyfriend, Fred, a few months prior. Early in our first couple of dates he shared with me that he had spent the last three years with Erwan and Alicia and was now in Mastery of Relationship. Not only had I met this incredible man who was learning and investing in himself, but his focus was sex and romance. HELLO! I could see no sane reason why I wouldn’t dive head first into experiencing this for myself and with this man. What an amazing way to start a relationship, right?
Amazing is right. Intense and intimidating is also right. While I knew I would come through this experience changed, I’ve never undertaken such an emotionally vulnerable journey with anyone in my life. Feeling fear about it made taking the journey that much more compelling to see what I would find there for me, and for us.
Our Sensuality Expansion Program started about 7 months into our relationship and about 3 months into my Mastery of Relationship experience. I had witnessed 2 Extended Orgasm demonstrations in Mastery of Relationship and enjoyed about 15 or so Extended Orgasm sessions with Fred. While Fred had significant training already, pretty much everything was new to me. At the start of our first session I was really excited, curious and – in a word – nervous. I knew whatever the experience was that I’d have to really open up to see and show what was there, and part of that really scared me. When I arrived I was immediately put to ease. Our guides were warm familiar faces from Mastery of Relationship, who paid especially close attention to making us feel at ease and cared for from the beginning through the end. Erwan and Alicia have a way of quickly establishing trust and connection, and so I felt increasingly comfortable about getting uncomfortable. Every one of our needs (water, hug, massage, recognition) were proactively met with love and support, so Fred and I could just focus on being present and getting connected.
Every session started with 30 or so minutes of Withholds, which is talking to a neutral party about specific moments from our lives that carry emotional charge. Often, these are moments that you’ve not otherwise shared with anyone. In remembering and giving voice to these specific frames of my life I noticed the many “ghosts” that haunt me. From my earliest memories with family and childhood experiences that trigger me now in just about all personal interactions. I saw how active my anger and fear was in my romantic relationships. Curious to understand the source of it all I revisited early childhood experiences with men, starting with my father and including several men that my mother had relationships with. I re-saw and re-felt with adult clarity the source of these emotions and bodily sensations of harm, shame and anger. I’ve lived most of my adult life believing these experiences didn’t shape me, but in looking closer – with openness and curiosity – it became clear they are the main fuel behind the brute force energy that drives me. It drives my fierce desire for independence, my aloof attitude toward attachment, and my default sense of distrust toward men.
I saw with acute clarity how I tend to disengage from relationships driven by this underlying fear and anxiousness toward men. I saw my focus on ambition as a survival strategy that maintained by distance and independence from men, and that in doing so somehow I felt safe from harm. I saw my lack of trust and concern for being worthy of love. I saw with fresh eyes how my deliberate and often righteous focus on being strong and independent masked how much I deeply desired to be held, loved and supported.
The main milestone of the first phase of the SEP is the Resolution, which is about really seeing and embracing the ultimate perfection of who we are. My Resolution, was about truly loving myself as a person who openly and without shame has desires, while at the same time has the vulnerability and self-worth to ask for my desires to be met in my relationship. I could see myself in a way I never had before and at last sat comfortably in my own skin – feeling how perfect and human imperfection really is.
Fred’s resolution was about abandonment and dissociation from the hurt that comes from little to no connection with the mother figures in his life. While I listened to him share I felt my whole heart engage. He shared how he experienced emotional and physical separation from his mother, and about the hurt he carries. He talked about moments in his childhood when sharing how he felt wasn’t received well. As he shared I became aware of a different man. In understanding him better I felt my heart also connect to him deeper. I saw a man who has risen from the ashes of childhood with wounds that he is courageously facing with determination in order to feel real connection. In many ways, in his stories my own story became even more clear to me. It was a beautiful experience that reminded me of our simple humanity and how we are all perfect and deserve love. What a great prelude to having Extended Orgasm training!
The difference from our first session to our last session would take pages and pages to write! In the beginning, even though I had experienced the technique of Extended Orgasm, I really didn’t understand how to truly receive. I struggled with being in my body and my mind raced with things like “What am I supposed to do? What is going on? Is this right?” My head would not quit. Ewan and Alicia were onto me immediately, and they caringly coached me with each session to keep my attention on what I was feeling.
When Erwan and Alicia demonstrated the extended orgasm technique, they took special care to walk both Fred and I through the parts that struck at the core of our development. For me, that was about staying out of my head and in my body. In their first demonstration, I focused on every connection between Erwan’s hands and Alicia’s body. What immediately struck me is when he hovered his hand just slightly above the mound of her pussy that she immediately went into pleasurable contractions rolling from her abdomen to her quivering toes. There was a clear connection between the energy, care and focus of Erwan’s attention and what was physically happening with Alicia. Her pusy was activated, she moaned and praised each move. He explained that Alicia’s entire focus was on her body not tensing up in resistance to the pleasure, but relaxed and curious about the sensations available with each caress of his finger on her clit and his thumb on her introitus.
On a subsequent date Erwan wanted to demonstrate the playfulness of a great extended orgasm date, and they initiated touch at a lovely, playful pace sharing moments of experience with each other. Alicia said with a relaxed joyful giggle how incredible it felt when Erwan just bared ran his fingers through her pubic hairs. Erwan was just as intrigued as he saw how her toes and thighs reacted with tiny shakes and goosebumps as he touched her. I was so intrigued that the slightest touch from Erwan would send such strong surges of pleasure through Alicia’s body. I felt so turned on with the slightest little jolts of energy flickering through my calfs to my pussy and into my arms.
In our next date I pointed all of my attention to my body. I felt relaxed and literally let my mind fall loose into the floor. I could feel my calm heart beat, and the way the air felt coming in and out of my lungs. At one point I noticed that all of us in the room were deeply inhaling together, and it electrified my entire body. Fred’s fingers moved up my legs into gently stroking and then grabbing my inner thighs. I could feel my pussy engorge and tingle with the anticipation of cumming. His strokes on my lips and clit were so gentle, caring and familiar. I surrendered the urge to “understand” what was going on and opened to the intensity of the waves of pleasure. I felt my desire grow even more intense. From time to time during our date, I found myself going back into my head. I’d catch myself and turn my attention back to my pussy. In addition to feeling all the sensations, my training was also to ask for what I desired. Fred focused his attention on noticing when I was distracted and would try different strokes to reconnect. He stroked my clit in just the right spot and managed the flow to a new sensational peak! Erwan said, “Ashley, blast into this!” and I felt my pussy light right up!
These dates just kept getting better! In our final session, Fred was so familiar with my favorite strokes that my communication started to just morph into delicious and vocal approval for each moment – mostly in the way of moans and exclaimed yeses! I made the request for a downstroke and with perfect pressure Fred sent me into the most incredible peak orgasm experience we had ever had. I felt so in sync with him and cared for. I could feel his attention and desire completely focused on my pleasure and that intensified my desire for this man. I just wanted to hang out in the feeling of bliss – every cell in my body alert and buzzing with pleasure. More please!
At the end of our final session, I felt the warmth and joy of being completely vulnerable with a man who had really seen and connected with me more than anyone I have ever known. The quality of that connection is incredible fuel for our desire to keep exploring ourselves and each other. Each date we have now has a commitment to emotional and physical connection, and it brings us closer. What a way to start a relationship! I am forever grateful for this journey.