Susan and Alan’s Sensuality Expansion Program
My wife Susan & I arrived at Harbin in the evening and settled into our spacious cabin along the hillside, below the hot springs and next to the massage rooms. We were excited and, in retrospect I can see, jaded about the journey ahead. Ever since my divorce 13 years before had woke me up to how unreal my ego’s view of the world was I’ve appreciated delving into spirituality, psychology and ontology to grow as a human being. My wife shared that interest and we’d done some amazing workshops together but never spent 10 days, with no other distractions, to put all of our attention on ourselves and to do that while exploring the art of our lovemaking and the richness of our intimacy and our sex life.
Erwan & Alicia Davon, the couple that led our Sensuality Expansion Program, have 20 years of combined experience to draw on to lead us through this deeply tender and often confronting process. They also have a skillfully honed, supernatural ability, to create a continuous, unlimited orgasm through a practice called a DO-date. They were here to teach us the expert level techniques and spiritual mastery required for us to do that with each other.
The first 3 days started with an inquiry into our perfection as human beings, as man, as woman and as selves. This brought up all the doubts and fears, resentments and sadness that Susan and I had about ourselves and each other. We wrestled with what it took to contemplate and accept our perfection. One assignment was to collage our deepest inner fears and angers and the tender loneliness at the center of all that. Words often fail to convey the deep emotion at the center of our souls. I used art to explore how distrustful of others I was, how afraid I was to feel my anger and resentment and how I used cleverness and analysis to buffer myself from feeling the world vivid and raw. My collages were dark and ugly, full of despair and pain and expressed feelings I never could. It helped me to become aware of them and to find compassion for myself and for Susan.
I discovered a profound appreciation for the gift and responsibility to re-parent ourselves. This meant to accept each failing and related feeling and to gently and lovingly re-parent myself through to my full adult capacity. I felt peace settle into my mind and my soul and used daily yoga, meditation and hikes in the surrounding woods to smooth out the rough patches I felt inside me. It felt good to tend to myself like this and to honor the humanness of my experience instead of my driving inner monologue. Feeling Susan and feeling the world became easier. Opening up to this enabled me to be ready to begin our sensuality training. On the third day Erwan asked each of us if we were perfect and listened for the honesty of our answer before declaring us resolved and present to begin learning the art of the DO- date.
A DO-date is a practice of deliberate orgasm where, most often, the man sits alongside the woman as she lies down with her legs open. He uses his hands and fingers to touch and stroke her all over, from her belly to her toes, while husbanding their shared awareness and attention and his touch on her clitoris. A DO-date might last 10 minutes or an hour and has a dome shaped up then down to the intensity and sensation, with multiple rippled peaks along the way. Erwan learned this technique from others and he and Alicia have perfected it along the way and become artful teachers for other couples to add this practice to their love lives.
Our first challenge was to get on the bed and for me to lead Susan through a DO-date while Erwan and Alicia evaluated where we were we at in our practice. Susan and I have been having DO-dates on and off for the past 18 months since we took the Pleasure Course. I was nervous about how I would perform as well as eager to learn the expert techniques I knew were ahead of me. Susan then got on the bed and was endearingly shy about exposing herself. With some loving encouragement we began our first DO-date of the program while Erwan and Alicia took notes and observed. When I discussed the date with Susan later than night and asked her what her impression had been she said “It was amateurish.”
She was right, and harsh, and that revealed a key struggle between me and her on this journey of spiritual and sexual intimacy. Susan was delving into her tendency to minimize, compare and nitpick while I was pressing into my fears about trusting, feeling reality and expanding my awareness and presence. Over the next few days we would tussle with these in our DO-dates and our interactions with each other. On day 5 Erwan called me to task on my bullshit relationship with reality and with my integrity which cut deep into the barriers I’d built around myself. He brought a ruthless compassion to his interaction with both our ego selves and pressed into Susan’s unwillingness to acknowledge and approve of herself and of reality.
After our assessment DO-date, Erwan and Alicia began the next session with their own date and used it to demonstrate each of the 18+ practices that would help us learn how to DO each other and to have dates of expanding intensity, sensation and bliss. He led the date with a meditative focus on Alicia’s pussy, moving slowly, smoothly and with a deliberate touch that lovingly felt into every crevice of her pussy and facet of her clit. Early in the date he applied lube directly onto Alicia’s introitus and smoothly separated the fingers of his left hand while stoking upwards to leave a clear globe of lube just below her vestibule and clitoris. Alicia shuddered in her belly and convulsed in her thighs as he did this and I became viscerally aware of her orgasm and stayed in rapt attention to every subtle movement he made and every reaction from Alicia over the next 20 minutes. Erwan easily added useful commentary and coaching for us along the way while keeping his full attention on Alicia’s clitoris, taking care to tell her in advance of any change or shift he would make to safe port her through each sensation.
We dove into our DO-date practice sessions with Erwan and Alicia and would have a couple extra ourselves each day. With each we improved and I deeply appreciated Erwan’s precise and masterful coaching of my technique and my awareness. He and Alicia were equally talented at teaching Susan how to surrender and how to reach for the sensations I was creating in her body.
On day 6 Erwan led Alicia on a DO-date that I would later write up in my journal as the most epic orgasm I’d ever witnessed. It lasted 30 minutes and he led it with a Zen like intensity and ease that caused ripples of orgasm to emanate throughout the room. About 9 minutes into the date, after he’d been meticulously stoking Alicia’s clit with a pulse-break-pulse tempo over a short 1 millimeter stoke, he casually removed his right hand from under Alicia’s ass and increased the music volume, then he increased his stroke tempo with the music and simultaneously pressed his right thumb into her perineum. This set off a crescendo of undulations in Alicia’s belly, pussy and toes for the next 3 minutes. We were all so high at the end of that date it took a long trail run for me, hours later, to feel settled in my body again. It became very important to learn how to manage our orgasm highs.
On our final day, I began with our daily practice of communicating sexual withholds that I had with anyone. I easily recalled dozens of bottled up feelings and experiences and used each expression to unclutter my mind. When we began our final session I felt clear, present and alive in my conscious mind. My fragile ego and infinitely capable self were at peace; together. I then led Susan on a deeply intense and fully connected DO-date. She was beautifully surrendered and approving of my touch and I easily talked her through each shift and included everything in my awareness. One of many favorite frames was when I moved my left knuckle away from her clitoral hood and used the tip of my middle finger to pull her hood back further, popping her clit out for my index finger to lightly stroke its corona. This caused her to convulse multiple times and I synchronized with her motion to insert my right thumb deep into her pussy and touched new, pillow soft textures deep inside her as she and I both felt her clitoris twitch under my finger during that little peak. We had achieved and demonstrated continuous connection, high intensity and deeply felt sensation throughout Susan’s orgasm. Erwan declared us certified right as I took Susan over the summit of our DO-date.
I will spend the rest of my life feeling into all that I learned and experienced over these 10 days at Harbin and be keenly and compassionately aware of my growth and humility and many blessings.