Kelsey and Aaron's Sensuality Expansion Program

Over the past ten days, Aaron and I worked with Erwan and Alicia Davon in the Sensuality Expansion Program and it was the most incredible journey I’ve ever been on! The first part of the program is the resolution, which is designed to unearth patterns in behavior that leave us feeling wrong and disconnected from the world and everyone we interact with. The resolution is complete when each individual stops identifying with this and realizes that they are perfect. With this cleared space, Erwan and Alicia can then provide in-depth training in DOing, a practice of extended orgasm.

Our resolutions began as a conversation that opened up what we were present to in our lives that had us feeling incomplete. For Aaron, it is an underlying feeling of discontentment that is all-pervasive in his life, coloring his interactions with people at work, with his family, and in his relationship with me. For me, it is an indecisiveness that leaves me feeling confused and shows up as me not asserting myself, not honoring myself. Erwan told us that he and Alicia had the sense that our resolutions were both going to be about depth and honesty. My favorite part was when Erwan made two circular links with each hand by touching his index fingers to his thumbs and then brought them together to signify the two of us joining as perfect, whole, complete individuals. I thought that was incredibly sweet and I understood that Aaron and I were going to get to know one another deeply, and become more intimate than I had ever imagined.

Still, I was afraid of declaring myself resolved. The whole conversation, I was hoping they would just bestow it on me. So, when Erwan asked, “Where are we at?” I froze. I caved under the pressure. I let my uncertainty wipe me out like a tidal wave. Erwan pointed this out to me and said that how I hold myself up under pressure is what my resolution is about. Alicia’s feedback for me was that it felt like I was looking outward. I realize now that I had a need for them to validate me. Yet, I was conflicted. Erwan and Alicia already see me as perfect and I was experiencing otherwise.

As I made several attempts to declare myself resolved, I saw how I was only willing to go so far in the conversation before retreating. It was a vicious cycle. I think that watching me allowed Aaron to see how I was getting caught up in my wrongness, and when he had an opportunity to put aside his self-doubt, he declared himself resolved. It came up again when Erwan asked if he was sure, but he asserted himself and answered Yes anyway. Aaron was resolved!

Erwan and Alicia were so great with me. I could tell that they weren’t going to cave in or allow me to skip over whatever I was holding on to that had me believing I was wrong. To do that, they had to turn up the pressure. Erwan asked me if I had worked through what there was for me to work through so I could be clear for the session. Even though I thought I’d had, the clear answer was No. He asked me why I hadn’t and pointed out that we’d now spent seven hours on this conversation and I still wasn’t willing to be responsible for myself, and that they weren’t going to go into DOing training with someone who wasn’t willing to be responsible for themselves.

Erwan was straightforward with me in a way that had me fully feel into how my way of being stops me from experiencing my perfection. Erwan redirected my attention to how gracious he and Alicia had been with me over the past few days, and that my insistence that something was wrong with me was insulting. I got that it was insulting to them, and importantly, insulting to myself. When I wasn’t willing to bring myself forward, Erwan turned to talk to Aaron. He said that what I was doing by crying and trying to get people to feel sorry for me was just a baby act. So I just sat there for a bit and felt into the costs of running that act.

Fortunately, Erwan gave me a leg up by saying something about how much fun we’d all been having together and I saw my opportunity to take the lead! I remember the moment I popped through. As Erwan was speaking, I saw a brilliant light coming through the window, filling the room. It was like someone had flipped a switch and now everyone’s faces were illuminated. I could finally see them all as they were. I had space for everyone, because I had space for myself. I was free to just be and have a real conversation with Erwan and Alicia from that space.

What Aaron said next was incredible. He graciously and vulnerably shared that when he felt me pop through, he noticed fear well up inside him. He described the physical sensation as a hole in his chest, and that it was a fear of me not needing him to hold me up anymore. He said that he hadn’t realized until then that he was using my need for him as a crutch. I was so grateful for Aaron in that moment, and saw how being right with myself was bringing out the best in my Aaron, my love.

Now that we were both resolved, we could move on to DOing! We started with an inventory date which was Aaron and I having a date unassisted and without any coaching, so Erwan and Alicia could observe where we were and take notes on how to guide us through the rest of the program. Throughout the date, I could feel scattered moments of us being connected. I soon noticed a pattern of us really getting things rolling, and then slowing down to a halt. It felt like learning how to drive for the first time. The experience was like easing onto the gas, gaining speed, getting excited about the sense of control, then getting scared about what might happen if I lost control, and slamming on the breaks. Start, roll, stop. Repeat. It was actually pretty funny, and very valuable to see. Interesting that it had the same cyclical feeling as my resolution! I was doing what I thought I should do rather than being raw, animalistic, and edgy. Erwan told me to keep leaning into the experience, and then it will have the quality of SEX. I wanted to bring the sex!

In the first date that Erwan and Alicia demonstrated, Erwan spoke about rounding out the tops of high peaks so that you don’t peak out. I could feel Alicia continually leaning into her experience as her pussy was responding so fluidly to Erwan’s taps. I realized that this would be the highest part of the date and that I was fully here, feeling it with them. It was incredible to feel the spaces between his strokes, when Alicia’s orgasm would continue to ascend slowly, yet never losing momentum. The sensation in my body was like being thrown in the air and then caught again. Weightlessness, then solidity.

My favorite frame came just after, on the way down. Erwan was using his index finger to tap Alicia’s clit and in a blink he quickly brought his finger away from her, only to draw it back slowly, oh so slowly. I was stunned by his mastery. The sensation felt like heated, passionate dancing, where the leader boldly pushes away his partner, then draws her near again, intoxicatingly slow.

Aaron and I had a date next and I remember a moment where my abs were clenched tight and I wanted to back away from the feeling. Instead, I pushed out and noticed that my clit felt really hard, like it was pointing straight out. Aaron stroked from the right side to the left and as his finger passed through the middle and made contact with the point of my clit, a jolt of energy surged up my body, causing a lift in my chest. I learned that I was problematizing feeling tension in my neck and abdomen, and that’s what has me stop feeling. So instead of stopping and starting over, I can keep the momentum going by feeling through the tension; not backing away from it, and allowing my body to naturally contract and release. I had to let go of trying to control it!

At this point in the program, Aaron was struggling with something that seemed to be getting in the way of us fully enjoying each other, whether during a DO date or even talking. Even though we were having great dates during the sessions, we were feeling blocked during our evenings alone with each other. He described it as “beating himself up” and being in his head about situations that had already happened, obsessing over what he should have said or done to fix them. I was amazed by how similar this was to my experience of making myself wrong. The flavor of the conversation tasted just like my resolution, and I could tell that we were going deep. As heavy as it felt, I was completely happy. Aaron’s resolution was so quick and simple, I was glad that DOing was dredging up deep emotions for him. I could feel how much space I had for him to be however he was going to be. He was so open, so tender, and I was present to my love for him.

As we got more into DOing, I could feel Aaron easing up on himself as Erwan and Alicia began to emphasize being deliberate and intentional, while at the same time introducing subtlety. Erwan demonstrated by stroking Alicia very lightly, and very slowly. He was so concentrated, calm, and peaceful, barely moving yet still taking her on a journey. I could feel the intensity rising even though there weren’t the quaking spasms in her body that I am used to associating with orgasms. I knew that if I wasn’t paying attention, I would have missed out on a whole world of feeling and sensation.

New themes for each of us came up as the structure of DOing began to shed light on how each of our egos show up in moments of intimacy. For Aaron it was “leaning into the intenseness of subtlety” and for me it was “Womaning Up!” Erwan pointed out to us that there was a point near the middle of our dates where we were having trouble maintaining our connection and that he was still having to get us over that hump. This is exactly what was happening when we were DOing on our own, and without their coaching, we were getting into arguments in the middle of dates that would lead to frustration and dissatisfaction.

Then the night before we were set to graduate, we had the most incredible, sumptuous date on our own! We were so connected and loving. It was like a dance and we knew we could do no wrong. I was so impressed with our progress. Aaron’s actions were so agile and I remember him stroking lightly on my clit. I noticed my attention slip away and he brought me back by confidently plunging his thumb into my wet, open pussy. He then responded by returning his finger to my clit and I felt the two lock into place like magnets!

The next morning, we were so excited for our graduation date! We were feeling right with ourselves and each other. I trusted Aaron completely and noticed he was feeling the subtlety in his own body. Aaron skillfully built up the tumescence by peaking me often. I could feel us getting higher and higher. It was intimate and we were responding to one another’s sex. It was a dance of the masculine and feminine.

I can still feel the moment when Aaron used his thumb to ground me with a long, slow stroke that started at the bottom of my introitus. He moved upward and traced along the folds of my swollen outer lips and I could feel my entire body melt from his touch. As he passed by my clit and continued to trace down the other side, I gently pushed out and the walls of my pussy contracted then throbbed. It was like slowly releasing a deep exhale.

I’d almost forgotten that there were other people in the room, and then I heard Erwan say, “Alright, that feels good to me!” but Aaron and I didn’t stop. We were enjoying everything and each other so deeply. It felt good to hear Erwan tell us to keep going. I later realized that our rightness is what we were all feeling. We weren’t ever waiting for Erwan and Alicia to declare us graduated so that we could stop. There was never any goal. What we were committed to and interested in was the connection; the enjoyment of the experience, and whatever it would bring.

What I got out of the Sensuality Expansion Program is a deep sensual connection to myself and to Aaron, as well as the knowledge and skills to access that depth of connection anytime—and I now understand how that access is the key to our relationship growing more and more pleasurable over time!