Kelsey and Aaron's Sensuality Expansion Program

When my girlfriend Kelsey and I started the 10 day Sensuality Expansion Program, I came in with a deep sense of discontentment with weakness, naivety, and vulnerability. I looked forward to transforming this in the program. Through working directly with Erwan and Alicia, Kels and I quickly dove into every aspect of our negative selves. I had a list of things that I was discontent with at work, with Kels, with myself or with my family.

Confronting this sense of self dissatisfaction, knowing it, and getting the flavor of it was the key to my resolution. The resolution is the first part of the Sensuality Expansion Program where you clear out any lingering parts of your past so that you can be totally present. It is the process of realizing that everything you did and everything you do is completely perfect. My resolution really began when Erwan said “Recognize that a fish is a fish and a dog is a dog.” He was saying that thoughts are thoughts and therefore not true. The same goes for emotions, beliefs, points of view and even our perception of the physical world. All of them are ultimately untrue.

The negative self collage Kels made during this part of the program was very profound for her and me. It was clearly displaying all the ugliness that she tries to hide by being nice. Mine clearly showed my deep fear of death covered up by feeling victimized, being angry and disconnected. Erwan gave us this coaching, what there is to do with our negative self is to allow it, make space for it and be still with it.

I went deeper into my resolution when Erwan said “Every ‘thing’ is untrue.” Previously I thought I needed to do something to be resolved but as this rattled around in my head, things started to dissolve. I went over a few lingering negative beliefs with Erwan so that I could get a little more room around them. Specifically Erwan pointed out the fantasies I have (especially about women) and how reality is much more enjoyable.

As Erwan talked to Kels I was able to fully feel though the doubt and the belief of imperfection and wrongness. When he turned to me again, I declared "I am resolved." Erwan asked are you sure? For a moment the doubt hit me. I felt it all and said yes. I was so serious. Erwan and Alicia laughed. I smiled and said "oh you're teasing me."

During Kels' resolution Erwan explained that this is what Kels does, she waits or hesitates to bring her self forward or she relies on others to do it for her. Erwan needed to be more firm with Kels than I have ever been. I saw how strong Erwan was able to be with Kels and how I was not, until now, willing to do. Kels brought herself forward. It was tenuous but clear. It was like nothing I had seen in her before. It was open, vulnerable, and had an aspect of strength. She seemed to glimpse the truth and was holding on. She was asserting herself. It was bold and beautiful. My love for Kels deepened in that moment. I felt space for newness and deeper intimacy. And as I trust my desire to be with Kels, I trust the openness will open further.

Our first DO date exposed just the areas that we needed help with. Perfect! Erwan and Alicia were so loving they modeled the love and curiosity that is the cornerstone of enlightened living and sexing. My coaching from Erwan was "Be raw and DO her." He further described this as being right where she is going as soon as she gets there, like leading her where she is already going. Graduating the Sensuality Expansion Program is going to require that I lead by paying attention, be raw, and cultivate the single minded focus needed to actually see the subtlety of a woman.

During Erwan and Alicia's first date, Erwan used floating high tapping at the peak of the date. Each tap had a different feeling. It was the pauses where all the movement was. The pauses felt like holding your breath, feeling all the intense vibrations, and waiting for the touch to return. The anticipation built the sensation. It felt like floating in a cloud made of steam.

During our first date, Erwan guided me though the ups and downs as well as catching me when I was stuck. He said being more responsive to Kels equals taking more action. Constantly, I pulled myself forward. Singularly focused on Kels’ orgasm, whenever I would hesitate I forced myself to jump forward right in front of Kels whatever she was going and take the lead.

At one point in the date as I put pressure on Kels’ sacrum, it felt like light shot out of Kels’ pussy. Her hips rose up. Energy was emanating from her chest. The sensations exploded through her. The blast of sensation sent a wave of vibrations through my skin rebounding through my body like a shockwave. She pushed down and out and the orgasm flowed like water, in all directions. It was alive, organic. Every cell in my body was alive and ecstatic.

I still had a deep sadness that was exposed when Kels became resolved. I didn’t realize what a significant role I played in Kels’ “Poor me” racket and how much I used it as support for my own ego. Erwan had Kels and I do ‘deep touch’, an exercise that put me more in touch with my deeper emotions. First there was an intense sadness, then joy, then numbness (like an intense pervasive hum). Afterwards we talked about me having the space for the lack of feelings I think I should have. This was huge for me. I didn’t need to be grandiose anymore I can just feel what I am feeling no mater how big or small.

During Erwan and Alicia’s next date, Erwan trained me in being slow and deliberate while still leading and feeling. At one of the highest peaks in the beginning of the date Erwan pointed out the subtleness of the strokes and looked at me and asked "Do you understand?" He was lightly stroking Alicia's clit. I looked at her pussy and as he brought his finger up the left side of her clit, under her hood, I could feel that they were still connected. I saw the slowness of his finger. I saw the vibrations of Alicia’s abdomen and the quivering of her lips. I saw the shaking and trembling of Alicia’s toes and feet. Looking back into Erwan’s gaze I said "Yes, I understand."

I noticed how Erwan used the spaces between strokes to DO Alicia. Kels and my dates became a flow of rhythm and spaces. Erwan led me through carrying Kels through the entire peak. The key at this point is subtlety and staying concentrated. As the height of the peak was approaching, I made sure to catch Kels with subtle pauses giving her time to catch up and digest the sensation. Also Erwan coached me to shorten my stroke to the most sensitive part of the stroke. Immediately Kels responded with rolls of orgasm and her body pushed out and relaxed. It was exactly what she wanted. What I understand now is how interesting and juicy those subtleties are and that much of what Kelsey is lives in the subtlety.

On another date, as Kels went toward our highest peak, Erwan coached me to do light short strokes with slow transitions. Adding slow transition was another way to hold Kels safe. Then rolling onto the tip of my finger I felt a lot more sensation in my finger and whole body. Kels responded immediately by relaxing and easing into the sensation. After which, Erwan gave us ten minutes to come down. He commented on the trust that Kels had because she knew I would take her all the way down.

In a discussion with Erwan, he explained how to feel with the entire body. This was a big breakthrough for me. It didn’t have a mental aspect to it. It was totally incomprehensible, just immediate feeling. Another big part was feeling each stroke. The way Erwan said it was to “Feel the start, middle, and end of each stroke.” Each time I did this, Kels would light up. The sensation of orgasm would release tingles throughout my body and connected me with Kels in a way that I have not known before.

My ability to take Kels through the full expression of her orgasm has been greatly expanded. I remember one peak, I kept lightening until only an unperceivable tapping was left, drawing out the peak. The sensation was of an ever expanding and deepening orgasm flowing though our bodies. On the way down we took time transitioning from clit to introitus. I had attention on her clit but the primary movement was my thumb at the opening of her introitus and on her inner pussy lips. The sensation felt like two difference musical notes coming in and out of harmony. It was beautiful, sublet and intense.

We graduated! What it came down to for me is having so much room for Kels that it became infinite and anything that Kels did was exactly what was supposed to happen, all 100% right. I love Erwan’s frame from this date. He described a moment right before we graduated. He said the rightness and harmony of the date made the room feel like it was bathed in light. Like a photo filter had been placed in front of his eyes. On the last stroke of the date, when I slowly lifted my thumb off Kels’ introitus, it felt like placing Kels in an extra soft feather bed. I felt strong and the room had an air of finality and ease.

What I got out of the Sensuality Expansion Program is that for the first time I can truly see Kelsey. I can see her subtlety. I can truly experience the raw expansiveness of her orgasm. I can love Kelsey truly and be with her fully. I also see that I can generate all of this and that it is available anytime, all the time!