The biggest secret about picking someone up is to act. There are principles that work, and we’ll get into those, but overcoming the paralysis that grips people in the face of approaching someone is the single biggest factor. I learned by approaching a woman daily until I got my chops down. Critical to taking action is abundantly putting yourself in situations where you can meet potential people to pick up.
|Strangely enough, this applies equally to couples who are often shy about approaching each other romantically. In fact, as the relationship progresses, romantic/sensual approach, which may have been abundant during dating, often falls away. Pick your partner up! Couples can also use pick up practices to pick people up together.
So the first step is to center oneself, which involves setting one’s intention and confidence. If you don’t have the confidence, fake it! Demonstrating a lack of confidence, especially for a male, is usually a deal breaker. If you don’t generate the ability to handle being rejected you will not succeed.
Initiating contact is next. This is where that confidence is key. For men this usually involves approaching a woman and for women it usually involves drawing a man in. When a woman initiates the sequence it is much more likely to succeed. Men are generally poor at reading women’s cues, body language, etc. so she may have to develop her skills at overcoming his inability. The worse a man is at reading cues the more he will have to rely on the volume of his approaches. The worse a woman is at confidently sending those cues the longer she will have to wait or she may opt for approaching a man.
An opening line can be quite useful if it is engaging enough and/or spontaneously appropriate to the situation (“What are you reading?” “You look like you could use a friend. Mind if I join you?” “How do you know…?”) The way it is said is more important than what is said, but some lines are catchier that others. The wilder the situation to more far out your opener can be (“Do you think it’s O.K. to have a small chimpanzee as a pet?”)
Engaging your partner (in other words not boring them) is crucial to getting things rolling. Prepared topics can be a real asset for guys since they are often responsible for keeping the conversation going, especially if you manage to do this while keeping your attention on your partner. Catchy topics like “What do you think makes for a fun relationship?” are great to engage someone and see how much fun they are likely to be. Don’t be afraid to have a few prepared topics, scripts and routines at the ready. The more feminine she is and the more masculine he is, the better the other responds.
Women respond best to a man who demonstrates confidence and power while keeping his attention on her. Men respond best if the woman is turned on and there are hints of possible sensual contact. Appearance is important both ways, but especially in a male’s decision to approach a woman. Fortunately for us all, the possibility of sensual contact trumps stereotyped appearance criteria in a male’s decision to approach a woman. Women do pay a lot more attention to a man’s grooming and hygiene than most men think they do.
If you are being fun and real you will start to bond with your partner and the likelihood of picking them up increases. You’ll also demonstrate your value to your partner (entertainment value, sex value, friend value, information value, etc.) and they’ll like you more. Make sure they know that they want to know you.
Sensualize the interaction. Where a lot of people blow it is in pretending that they are not picking the person up. This demonstrates a lack of confidence and sets the interaction up to be awkward and inauthentic. Sensualizing the interaction from the start is almost always the right thing to do. Ladies, don’t be afraid to send out those signals. Guys, you are picking them up; don’t be afraid to make your intentions known, although, it is important to wait for cues from her before hitting on her. It is usually a huge mistake to hit on a woman before she demonstrates attraction to you. You can still sensualize the interaction from the start (hinting and light suggestion vs. hitting on her). You’ll get smoother as you practice, and know when to turn it up. Practice, practice, practice!
If it is possible to transition your encounter to a new location this can work wonders (another bar, café… your house!). Time stretches out; they feel like they have known you longer and it is much more likely for the relationship to go somewhere romantically.
Next Close. Closing means getting a phone number, hooking up sensually or some other successfully way of ending the interaction. Guys, close before she does! Close boldly on a high note; the last thing they remember about you is crucial for the likelihood of another interaction.
These are the basics. We’ll elaborate on many of these points in the following weeks and bring in new one’s like pushing and pulling your partner to overcome resistance, dominance games and hexing, how women can steer and guide a man in an initial meeting or deal with unwanted attention, body language, and others.