Men and women have a different style of communication. Women typically speak both their style and the male style because we live in a culture that mostly speaks the man-style. Men typically don’t speak both because women are willing to speak both styles. This can be a problem because when women aren’t heard or it isn’t clear what they want or what they are saying: the women aren’t super happy and neither are the guys.

There are two instances in particular in which it really helps to have a deeper perception than us men sometimes have. These are when a woman is being aggressive or she is being withdrawn. What does that mean, what could be going on that men might ordinarily misinterpret?

In short, a fight or flight response is occurring. Being aggressive or withdrawn is often interpreted by men, and women too, as simply being negative. Sometimes that is the case: all of us can sometimes get into a contracted or a non-open state. But that is not usually all that is going on, and sometimes that has nothing to do with it.

There are two reasons that a fight or flight response is happening. One thing that is often going on, and that is usually not seen, is that she is actually turned-on, and the turn-on comes out more as tension and aggression. Often men miss this cue and the potential for huge fun, and make it into something negative. Most of the time, releasing that stored sexual energy will release the tension, and will be very pleasurable for both people involved.

Reason two is that she has somehow been insulted. In today’s culture there is a lack of acknowledgement for the feminine, a discounting or discrediting of femininity. Not seeing a woman as woman-ness is a type of insult. This is something that women are just as likely to do as men, a kind of discounting of themselves and each other, rather than celebrating something that really is worthy of celebration.

These are two misinterpretations that occur all the time. When they’re decoded, it opens up potential for great sexual intimacy, closeness, and healing.