In the practice of Deliberate Orgasm (DOing), your ability to focus your attention is the critical skill for both DOers and Cummers.
|First of all, have your primary focus be having fun vs. any type of accomplishment. This will take any pressure off.
The DOer must make sure that the Cummer’s attention is on each stroke. Short, light strokes are one way this is accomplished. The point of light, short strokes is that they make her reach for the stroke. It is a subtler stroke so both people have to pay full attention.
Deliberate Orgasm is really the art of attention. The simple example is that if you look at and feel your fingertips intensely without touching them, all it takes is the lightest touch for the greatest sensation. Contrast this with grabbing a doorknob to open a door and barely noticing you touched anything.
This greater attention should go both ways (DOer and Cummer).
In the early stages, it is fine for the DOer to use firmer or longer strokes, but generally head in the direction of shorter and lighter. When she reaches she will get more sensation ultimately. Also alternate. When she isn’t feeling much, get her attention: take a .5 second or longer break, pull a pubic hair, tell her what you are doing, lightly tap her pussy. You have a variety of options, experiment.