Posts Tagged ‘female orgasm’

The Secret of Extended Orgasm

Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

In the practice of Deliberate Orgasm (DOing), your ability to focus your attention is the critical skill for both DOers and Cummers.

extended orgasm First of all, have your primary focus be having fun vs. any type of accomplishment. This will take any pressure off.


The DOer must make sure that the Cummer’s attention is on each stroke. Short, light strokes are one way this is accomplished. The point of light, short strokes is that they make her reach for the stroke. It is a subtler stroke so both people have to pay full attention.



Deliberate Orgasm is really the art of attention. The simple example is that if you look at and feel your fingertips intensely without touching them, all it takes is the lightest touch for the greatest sensation. Contrast this with grabbing a doorknob to open a door and barely noticing you touched anything.

This greater attention should go both ways (DOer and Cummer).

In the early stages, it is fine for the DOer to use firmer or longer strokes, but generally head in the direction of shorter and lighter. When she reaches she will get more sensation ultimately. Also alternate. When she isn’t feeling much, get her attention: take a .5 second or longer break, pull a pubic hair, tell her what you are doing, lightly tap her pussy. You have a variety of options, experiment.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in 15 minute orgasm, Having better sex, Sex | 1 Comment »

Extended Orgasm Step by Step

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

We have gotten such good reports from participants in the Oracle of Life & Love,
and Romance Coaching, on your practice of DOing and Extended Orgasm that we
are going summarize a basic pattern that you can follow in your learning practice.
Although this is a basic pattern, the skills for some of the steps were/are covered in
the Pleasure Course or one of our advanced programs. The skills are actually quite
advanced; the pattern will help you put it all together.

 

These are basics, and like “standards” in music, they feel/sound great. Like the Sensuality Exercises, they are ways to guarantee that you have a good time and that your sensual research progresses. At times, and more and more so over the years,
you will alter these basics, but don’t take them for granted. Even the most complex Jazz is based in scales and standard musical progressions. Try playing Jazz with out scales… some have tried; it’s interesting for about 5 minutes.

   

female in 15 minute orgasm Here are some basics on the path of extended orgasm, giving and receiving:
1. Set up the time and space to be attractive and relaxed (15 minutes + is recommended, music smell, etc.).
2. Take the roles of cause and effect; sit in that position.

 

Doer or Cause:
3. Always keep your attention on your partner’s pleasure, deriving your
pleasure from this.
4. Start with slow deep, more massage like, pressure on legs.
5. Do some deep touch to really connect with your partner.
(All of that can take between one minute and 5 minutes, standard.)
6. Position DO towel
7. Apply lubricant in one smooth stroke with left hand.
8. Put hands in the basic DOing position (DOing lefty if possible for men)
9. After establishing contact with your partner’s most sensitive spot (upper left
hand quadrant of the clitoris, or apex of a man’s sex) gradually move from
firmer strokes to lighter strokes.
10. For most people the stroke on a woman’s genitals should be lighter and
shorter that what they might be inclined to do.
11. Take your partner up and down by alternating gradually changing pressure.
12. Peak your partner with any kind of slight change or pause in your stroke.
13. Build a dome shaped orgasm.
14. Keep a sexy yet specific dialogue going with your partner.
15. Bring your partner down with firmer pressure.
16. Towel your partner off.

 

DOee or effect:
17. Keep your attention on your partner’s stroke.
18. Surrender to your DOer such that you are at effect (you can ask for changes
but do it from a surrendered, effect, approving place).
19. Push your genitals out in a consistent yet relaxed way.
20. Spread your toes.
21. Experiment with moving your toes and/or creating a few deliberate
contractions in your genitals if that helps get you into involuntary movement
in your toes and genitals.
22. Tell your partner what feels good.
23. Really let go into the ride.
24. Stay relaxed but alert (so you don’t zone out or blow out from the height of
feeling).
25. Afterwards, share your favorite frames with your DOer and express how
gratified you are, leaving your DOer feeling like a winner.

 

Now, those are the basics of what to do, but the most important part, no matter
what role you are in, is your intention and willingness to have a good time.

 

Also, don’t focus on a goal of orgasm. If you do what is described above, the person
at effect will reach a level of sensation where the body goes into extended orgasm
with all of the involuntary movements and sense of release.

 

There you have it. Enjoy!

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in 15 minute orgasm, Sex | 3 Comments »

Sensuality Vs. Eroticism

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

A clash of Titans!  What are they, how do they exist on our lives, and who comes out on top?

 

Sensuality is based in the 5 senses, based in the body; it is bodily chemistry and feeling.  Eroticism is mental turn-on from a specific idea often based in transcending some taboo or other.  Dominant and submissive roles are the most popular expressions of erotic turn-on. 

   

Whip In regards to our romantic lives we live in a primarily erotic culture (worldwide).  It is a culture marked by an extremely mental approach to life, even one’s love life.

 

Erotism is a good spice to add to one’s love life.  But… the minute it becomes the main course in one’s love life, as it is for most people, it causes a drop in turn-on.  You get diminishing returns.  You have to keep increasing the quantity and intensity of the erotic idea to get the same pleasurable result.  For example, the person in a submissive role must be increasingly that submissive to get turned on. 

 

Eroticism taken too far leads to perversion.  Perversion is the ability to get turned-on only by a very narrow range of stimulus.  For example, women with red hair wearing black latex who remind someone of his first lover.

 

On the other hand, turn-on generated sensually increases the more you engage.   You get increasing returns (more and more pleasure).  For example, turn-on from feeling your hand on someone’s genitals increases the more you focus on what you are feeling in your hand, seeing with your eyes, and so on.

 

For a great sex life Sensuality should be the meal and Eroticism the spice.  If you fall in love with someone for primarily erotic reasons watch out because that turn on will wear out unless they become ever increasingly richer, more dominant, or whatever the “idea turn-on” is.

 

Basing your attraction to someone sensually will have you fall deeper and deeper in love with them over time.  You will become increasingly turned-on by them over time.  This is the secret to having an Eternal Date with someone.   Long standing relationships can be steered in this direction.  If you are single and dating, you may want to start your next relationship this way!

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in How to relationship, Relationship | 3 Comments »

What makes great sex?

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

The two biggest relationship problems that people complain about sexually are:
1. Finding a partner &
2. Decreased sexual interest in the partner they find!

great-sex People have difficulty finding partners for 3 reasons and they all relate to the person’s relationship blueprint.  They either think they’re not good enough or they think the other person (any potential partner) isn’t good enough or some combination.      

 

The main reasons for decreased sexual interest in a partner are decreased chemistry (due to mental distraction or stress), life circumstance (they are simply to busy or fatigue) and mental misinformation (for men it’s prejudice against how women are and

should be; for women it primarily takes the form of anger and resentment toward men).  One addition for male’s decreased chemistry is mini-ejaculations during sex.

 

The resolution to all this and what makes for great sex and female orgasm is what we practice in all our quarterly sensuality research pools in the Oracle of Life and Love.  Firstly, partners are handled.  The circumstance is ideal and inviting of sensuality.  And lastly, the group openness and positivity support everyone is staying out of his or her head and having a good time.  Handling the circumstance and one’s mind are the keys having great sex.
 

These practices are something you can bring into your sex life… if you deem sensuality worthy of research.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Having better sex, Sex | 2 Comments »

The 3 essentials of Extended 15-minute Orgasm

Tuesday, August 16th, 2011

We’re taking a real turn here folks.  From contact and intimacy to extended orgasm.  We just completed the Sensuality Expansion Program and J & H were fantastic.  A theme of the program was the 3 essentials of Extended Orgasm. 

 

Here they are in order:

 

15 minute orgasm Connection

Being connected, in good contact, with your partner is critical.  Feeling the same thing at the same time is the gold standard here.

 

Going high

Going high means increased sensitivity on subtler and subtler levels of experience.  One’s potential for pleasure expands dramatically. “Peaking” is critical for this.

 

Signs of Orgasm

Involuntary contractions, flushing, engorgement and so on.

 

If you bring these 3 primary aspects of extended orgasm into play in the order given of importance you can quickly develop your orgasm and lengthen it.  10 to 15-minute orgasm is the standard for what we call Expert level orgasm and what it takes to graduate the Sensuality Expansion Program.  Congratulations to J and H!

Tags: , , ,
Posted in 15 minute orgasm, Sex | Comments Off

15 Minute Orgasm – Most important points

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

After teaching singles and couples how to have 15-minute orgasm for the last nearly 20 years I can tell you there is nothing better you can add to a relationship to accelerate it, at least in the turn on department.  It’s the best relationship advice I could give you in the sex department.

 

A woman experiencing 15 minute orgasm In two of our advanced programs, the Oracle of life and love and the Oracle of sex, money and power, we have been having sensuality research pools over the last two weeks and Alicia and I have been blown away by people’s ability to give and receive pleasure.   

 

The technique is called DOing, standing for deliberate orgasm. 

 

One person plays the role of cause (the “Doer”) the other plays the role of effect (being done to or the “DOee”). Doing involves manual stimulation, usually between two people, but someone can do it to himself or herself as well

 

The most important point for the doer is having their full attention on the pleasure of the doee.  The most important point for the doee is surrendering to their doer.  This establishes connection.  Connection is key.

 

Communication is the next most important point.  Talk approvingly both ways!

 

The Doer should “peak” their partner regularly.  This means taking mini breaks while stroking your partner, from a tenth of a second to several seconds.  These breaks stop the cummer from spiking up really fast and going over a hard edge (traditional climax orgasm) and instead extend the sensation.

 

When the cummer reaches what we call the Orgasm line, where the body just hints at going into involuntary contractions, the most obvious sign of orgasm, back off and slow down.  This will keep you in a state of orgasm without crashing over a hard edge.  Also push your genitals out, keep them relaxed (vs. clenched) throughout but especially at this point.

 

The orgasm will be higher and more relaxed than you are used to… and of course of much longer duration.

 

There are about a million other points I could mention, but these are among the most important.  Realistically, to learn 15-minute orgasm requires training and practicing.  The Sensuality Expansion Program is where we do our highest level training with singles and couples, but our other advanced programs and vacation courses are a great place to start : )

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in 15 minute orgasm, Sex | 9 Comments »

The Being of 15-minute Orgasm

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

The essential element is to stay present.  If you are present extraordinary experiences unfold.

 

I was thinking of calling this entry “15-minute Orgasm – Not blowing out”.

 

A couple being with 15-minute orgasm In the Sensuality Expansion Program we just led, we worked with the DOer repeatedly on expanding his ability to stay present during the high peaks of female orgasm. 

 

To stay present do these things

1. Focus on the contact point

a. Doers on your finger on her clitoris

b. Cummers on your clitoris at the point of contact

2. Feel and express your sensation both ways

 

With her (in the Sensuality Expansion Program) we worked, not so much on staying present for high peaks, but staying continually present v.s. “on and off”.

 

The being of 15-minute orgasm is simply being present.

 

Intimacy is what arises at a much higher level than what we are used to.  This intimacy is usually resisted quite strongly and subtly.  One is likely to not even know one is resisting intimacy or not being present.

 

So it requires more of a heart willingness than an understanding.  The Being of 15-minute orgasm is Openness… openness to all things, intimacy being the most challenging.

 

The intimacy is physical so it can be much more pleasurable but also much more deep.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in 15 minute orgasm, Sex | 1 Comment »

How to increase sex energy

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

The number one thing you can do to increase sexual energy is to structure your life in a way that doesn’t stress you out. When human beings are stressed, the sex drive plummets. This is the biggest cause of loss of male and female libido.

 

A couple with increased sexual energy The second thing you can do is practice being in your body. Being in your head puts you in a very confined, mental space which tends not to be a juicy, sexual, embodied space. 

The third thing you can do is understand female extended orgasm and that women are the source of sexual energy. The ability to feel and notice and acknowledge turn-on in women (especially in yourself, if you are a woman) is critical to increasing sexual energy.

 

Finally, if you’re a man, another thing you can do is reduce the frequency of going over a hard edge and ejaculating (this applies to women as well, though not as much because bodily fluid isn’t expended). This can be a tough thing to do, for obvious reasons. Ejaculating consumes a tremendous amount of sexual energy.

 

For teenagers, I recommend once per week, for middle age, once per month, and for older age, once every few months. In order to be successful at this, you need to have your life structured so you can be relaxed (back to the first point above), otherwise the built up energy turns into tension. This is something I practice, and it makes all the difference in the world.

 

These techniques require intention and practice, and the rewards really are incredible!

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Having better sex, Sex | 3 Comments »

Top 10 points of extended 15 minute female orgasm from a woman’s perspective

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

1. Decide ahead of time to have a great time and enjoy yourself no matter what. Release your mind and the past (which is a spiritual practice).

2. Actively move your energy into his hands, your hips, genitals, legs, and feet vs your head.

3. Trust your doer completely – don’t try to control him, just feel where he is taking you.

 

A woman experiencing female orgasm and sexual pleasure

4. Be vocal – let the orgasm come through your vocal cords.

5. Focus your attention on the contact point between his finger and your clitoris.

6. Feel each stroke.

7. Push your genitals out gently.

8. Lean into the sensation – no matter what the sensations is you will experience extreme pleasure by leaning into it fully.

9. Spread your fingers and toes.

 

10.  It takes something to have extended orgasm – it takes ongoing training and it also takes giving yourself to sexual pleasure fully EACH TIME, no matter how much or how little training you have.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in 15 minute orgasm, Having better sex, Sex | 10 Comments »

How to have a 15 minute orgasm

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

1. Start touching yourself the way you normally would to get yourself going.

2. Then take frequent mini breaks in your stroking, like half a second every few strokes.  This is like taking your foot off of the accelerator.

3. Before going over the edge, relax your body and push your genitals out (instead of the usual tendency to clench).  This will further decelerate you from crashing over a hard edge.

4. Experiment with the above and you will find that your body will be able to hold all the signs of male and female orgasm for an extended period.  Involuntary contractions of the genital muscles and a sense of release are the most important.

 

You can extend it beyond 15 minutes if you like.  When you involve someone else it is called “D.O.ing” for deliberate orgasm.  

One important addition to the four steps above is your headspace: focus on the pleasure you are feeling, not where you are going.  Pleasure orientation vs. goal orientation is the most important part.

 A man and woman exploring female orgasm

 

I have been teaching extended orgasm for 17 years in the Pleasure Course and my advanced programs. 

 

Some learn it quickly; some take longer.

 

There is no better addition to one’s sex life, whether you are single, dating, in a new relationship or married.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in 15 minute orgasm, Sex | 13 Comments »

Best sex ever today

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Every day Alicia and I discover more and more how female orgasm is the secret to greater and greater sexual pleasure. Sensual pleasure and sexual pleasure has been our focus for a combined 25 years of teaching people how to have, not only good relationships, but exceptionally turned on relationships! We are firm believers that a woman’s pleasure is the key to better sex for both him and her. 

 

In addition to the sensual pleasure, great sex continually dissolves relationship problems as well as bringing intimacy and connection.  The female libido has long been overlooked but, in the end, few people would deny their interest. Building a relationship that is so vibrantly and sexually charged, that it turns him and turns her on more than when it was a new relationship is something everyone desires.

 

 A couple having better sex through focus on female orgasm and the woman's pleasure

This morning Alicia and I had the best sex of our relationship, 8 years into it… and that is normal for us. Our lives as relationship advice givers, sexuality teachers, and teachers of personal growth take us to all kinds of highs and lows. At the same time, our sex life connects us in true love and increasingly greater sexual pleasure creating an enjoyable center to our relationship, our work and our lives.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Having better sex, How to relationship, Relationship, Sex | 1 Comment »

How to have better sex?

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

The question comes in many ways, from singles, couples, men and women: How do I have better sex, I want to learn how to orgasm, is there a way to enhance male or female libido, what is female orgasm?

 

How to handle somebody sexually is the key. We call that “DOing” somebody. And you must “DO” the whole person.

A couple having better sex through communication and DOing The first part of DOing somebody is DOing their head. That’s really their mind, the romantic part of their mind in particular. The way you DO somebody romantically is to appeal to what interests them. Find out what kind of music they like, where they like to eat, their favorite food. If you appeal to what interests the person, they will become interested in you. In the process of doing this, you enter their emotional body.  

As you put attention on them, as you grow closer to them romantically, you enter that emotional part of them, that tender part, a kind of a meeting of heart to heart.

 

First you DO somebody romantically, then you DO them sensually. Sensual pleasure is really about their body. It’s the physical body, but also the energy in their body. You accomplish this by getting them into their senses. People think of manipulation as a negative thing, but this is a type of positive manipulation, this is putting somebody at effect, handling the space and the time so they can relax and enjoy. As you’re getting them into their senses you want to feel what generates sexual excitement. Maybe you’ll notice certain smells that turn them on, or maybe certain types of environments: the living room, the bedroom, the massage room, whatever it happens to be. Certain parts of their bodies may turn them on more than others. As it becomes more physical, it becomes tenderer, and even more vulnerable. So as the DOer, you really want to take care of them, you really want to make sure they’re feeling good.

 

DOing somebody is like a culmination, a build. You DO their head, you DO their body, and now you’re touching them in ways that turn them on. If you keep doing that, you’ll find that you’ll increasingly move toward their sex: their sex energy and their sex organs. Finally, you’re DOing them sexually. There you focus on sexual arousal, on orgasm and ecstatic bodily pleasure. If you touch their sex with increasing pleasure, you’ll notice that what feels good to you is actually what feels good to them. They will move into a greater state of bodily pleasure, eventually to the point of orgasm, and even sustained orgasm. The potential really is infinite!

 

Approach sexual pleasure deliberately: DO them romantically first, then sensually, and finally sexually.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Having better sex, Sex | 4 Comments »

The importance of great sex

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

The discipline of psychology was formed on Freud’s two crucial insights: the importance of sex (that this was biologically the driving motivation of the being, called male or female libido) and the discovery of the unconscious (at least to the Western world). He stated that having orgasm is crucial for the gratification (happiness) and full functionality of every human being. People were so reactivated by this that Freud spent his whole life defending the simple insight that sex was a primal drive and crucially important to human happiness and functioning. He was so busy dealing with people’s resistance that he never even conceived of the logical next conclusion: that beyond normalcy is excellence. At Erwan Davon Teachings we take it from there… What happens to a person’s overall life happiness when having orgasm becomes having exteded orgasm? What happens when a human being masters having great sex?

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Sex | Comments Off

4 Steps to turning relationship problems around

Saturday, December 1st, 2007

I have the privilege of getting the inside scoop on the sex lives of countless relationships. The reality is that in most cases the turn-on decreases after the “honey-moon” period is over (although most people are reluctant to admit this before the relationship has all but bottomed out.) This decline does not have to be the case. Over and over we have the privilege of helping couples (or singles learn how to) turn their relationships back on or enhance an already great sex life!

Here are the 4 steps: 1) Tell the Truth about how your sex life has been going since the beginning of the relationship, graph it; 2) Commit to an ever expanding sex life and be willing to do what it takes; 3) Learn the art of DOing (basically, how you can create chemistry and turn-on to the point of sustained high level male and female orgasm); 4) Structure your lives so that sensuality and pleasure (including your new DOing skills) are prioritized.

Tags: , ,
Posted in How to relationship, Relationship | Comments Off