Last week’s live event was amazing!  Our living room was packed with about 50 people. 

To review we examined how you can be lit up, turned-on and have everything sparkle in the honeymoon phase of relationship.  And that there are, in fact, multiple honeymoons in a relationship (when you start dating, get engaged and get married) but that they tend to decrease in size as time goes on.  We also saw that working together or starting a family can cause a reverse honeymoon phase for some.  Overall there tends to be a decrease in turn-on in the relationship as time goes on, even though the couple can get closer in other ways.      We saw that the decrease happens from peaking early and crashing like a sugar or caffeine high.  This “peaking out” phenomenon happens when we enter relationship anxiously, idealistically, and without the skills to sustain the turn on.  Those skills range from flirting to sexing.  A good flirt or good sexer knows how to build ever increasing peaks of turn-on in a partner’s body and their own.  And they don’t need a brand spanking new partner to do that!

We also saw that as couples get to know each other the turn on can decrease as their psychologies come out and the realistic issues that each person contends with surface and the ideal projection onto your partner and the relationship dissipates.

How do you change longstanding patterns of behavior?  It is crucial to understand and experience that behavior in detail, as it is happening, not from an intellectual distance.  If you are truly with it then a sense of freedom and an ability to act outside of that pattern will arise naturally.  The “really being with it” and “understanding it” is the hard part.  There are innumerable methods for this from our practice of Corework, to collaging and art, to therapy, to journaling, to conversation with friends, and so on.  After a while one gets an ability to be with their machinery and is not dominated by it.  From lack of use it then gradually falls away.

Now, what makes something grow over time?  Having a true direction and intelligently sticking to it makes something grow over time.  Your sex life, love life and spiritual life are great direction and subjects for this!  And intelligent practice means engaging these areas in meaningful ways with a focus on learning and expansion.

Lastly, big actions came before each honeymoon period so keep going for it and peaking your love life to higher and higher levels!

An amazing group of people re-wrote their relationship blueprints and discovered the unlimited happiness and pleasure possible in romance and sex during this September’s Pleasure Course! And we all had an incredible time at the Cocktail Party that followed.

Goal setting and supplying the energy for the goal are a woman’s responsibility and ability in relationship.  Goal setting is brains; energy is turn on and fun.  This is feminine influence. 

Women often have some ambivalence about both the direction setting part and about being fun and supplying the turn on.  This ambivalence is always based in anger or self-doubt.  If the guy doesn’t co-operate her ambivalence and doubt may get stronger.  It will help her to understand that he is just doing what worked with women in the past, from his mom down the line.  They trained him… hopefully well, but sometimes not well.  Now it’s her turn.

Clear confident instruction with lots of approval, repeated often, is how to do that.  She can give him much larger goals than he would normally take on if she handles him this way.  

Some women say they don’t want to do that.  In twenty years of teaching we have found those to be the women who don’t have what they say they want.

The guy should also take 100% responsibility for fulfilling her desires and being fun himself (but that’s another blog and something we emphasize often in the Pleasure Course.)  If she steers him in a not-fun or dangerous direction it is also his responsibility to support her in making a course correction.

The real challenge for women is usually feeling right about herself and her appetite (see that blog series), the guy can be more or less work, but if she is confident and right about herself she’ll attract an enthusiastic guy and he’ll be easier to handle.

On June 27^th I am throwing a cocktail party to celebrate the launch of Erwan Davon Teachings, a brand new look and feel to the Pleasure Course and our Relationship Curriculum. You and your friends are invited.

It is a way of saying thank you to the Bay Area for the tremendous recognition that has come toward me in supporting singles and couples over the last 17 years.    It is hard to believe it has been 17 years since the first Pleasure Course!  I started teaching the Pleasure Course in Berkeley, and then it quickly moved to San Francisco and into retreat centers all over the San Francisco Bay Area.

The group of people who surround this work are truly the most exceptional, turned on and fun loving people that I could ever wish to share my life with. Come mingle with them and me.

Our new website will be the “piece de resistance” and we will have appetizers and drinks to enjoy.

The event is free, but you will need to be on the guest list to gain admission: Click here to sign up and be on the guest list! I hope you join us.

Thank you,

Erwan