Last week’s live event was amazing! Our living room was packed with about 50 people.
|To review we examined how you can be lit up, turned-on and have everything sparkle in the honeymoon phase of relationship. And that there are, in fact, multiple honeymoons in a relationship (when you start dating, get engaged and get married) but that they tend to decrease in size as time goes on. We also saw that working together or starting a family can cause a reverse honeymoon phase for some. Overall there tends to be a decrease in turn-on in the relationship as time goes on, even though the couple can get closer in other ways.
We saw that the decrease happens from peaking early and crashing like a sugar or caffeine high. This “peaking out” phenomenon happens when we enter relationship anxiously, idealistically, and without the skills to sustain the turn on. Those skills range from flirting to sexing. A good flirt or good sexer knows how to build ever increasing peaks of turn-on in a partner’s body and their own. And they don’t need a brand spanking new partner to do that!
We also saw that as couples get to know each other the turn on can decrease as their psychologies come out and the realistic issues that each person contends with surface and the ideal projection onto your partner and the relationship dissipates.
How do you change longstanding patterns of behavior? It is crucial to understand and experience that behavior in detail, as it is happening, not from an intellectual distance. If you are truly with it then a sense of freedom and an ability to act outside of that pattern will arise naturally. The “really being with it” and “understanding it” is the hard part. There are innumerable methods for this from our practice of Corework, to collaging and art, to therapy, to journaling, to conversation with friends, and so on. After a while one gets an ability to be with their machinery and is not dominated by it. From lack of use it then gradually falls away.
Now, what makes something grow over time? Having a true direction and intelligently sticking to it makes something grow over time. Your sex life, love life and spiritual life are great direction and subjects for this! And intelligent practice means engaging these areas in meaningful ways with a focus on learning and expansion.
Lastly, big actions came before each honeymoon period so keep going for it and peaking your love life to higher and higher levels!